The inescapable pranoia of paranoia.

When people ask me, what are you scared of? I often reply with answers such as; earwigs, maggots or the dark. The kind of answers you’d expect really. The truth is,my fears run much deeper than just just being a bit freaked out by a tiny invertebrate. I think I have paranoia of paranoia, and that I’m not actually paranoid. I am scared of the psychological implications of being paranoid and terrified of loosing my mind. This is not at all an irrational fear, I have a perfectly terrifying and emotive reason for it. I do panic though. Daily. Just as Jon Ronson struggled not to panic that his wife might be dead because she missed a call in the book The Psychopath Test.. but that isn’t craziness it’s just fear. These are the real fears. I don’t think it’s the fear of death either, it’s the fear of being helpless. At least for me that’s what it is…

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…And when you have to spend 40 minutes on a bus for a ten minute car journey… sometimes those “life goes on” moments help, sometimes they just frustrate.

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About bears8shelly

Writing is how I make sense of the world, my subconscious, and how I feel.
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